Episode #9: Our overton window

Mar,19 2025

Hi Bob,

I know this email comes late, but as you are undoubtedly aware, Essie and Linda just spent 2 hours on the phone. I could hear a large part of what Essie was saying, and I have no doubt that you probably heard that Linda told Essie.

Essie told me some of the things that Linda told her, including the story with the flower pot, and I suspect Linda told you the unfortunate story of the futon elastic. It is pretty funny in retrospect.

I should be going to bed, but I will see you tomorrow morning, and I want to set some things clear.

Do I mind that you know some of the sexual stories between Essie and me? No. I don't mind. I am ashamed of none of them. Even of the futon story, especially with the eloquence that Essie has retelling the story.

Do I mind that I know some of the sexual stories between Linda and you? No. I don't mind. And you shouldn't be ashamed of those I heard so far. Essie even admitted that you were a good guy. That night, at the hotel, in college in which Linda woke up panicked because you were sleeping in the bathtub not to assume you could spend the night with her? My friend, that was one of your finest moments, and Linda admitted to Essie that it that morning that she fell in love with you.

I don't know how you feel about this, but you are cool in my book, and we are cool toward each other. If you disagree, don't hesitate to tell me what I can do to rectify.

However, I have to set something clear. I believe in radical honesty, but I am not comfortable talking about my sexual life with my friends, and I am not comfortable having Essie talk about my sexual life with my friends.

Wait, you will say, but you know everything Linda told you? Does that mean I am a hypocrite?

Well, no. I don't mind that Essie tells her friends, about her sex life, which includes me. I don't even mind if says things I told Essie implying that I don't mind that she tells Linda about my sex life.

I don't even mind that Linda tells you about that.

But I don't want to talk to you about it, and I don't want Essie to talk to you about it. I don't mind if you talk to Essie about your sex life, but I don't want to hear it. But I will enjoy listening to Essie about it.

Before you judge me, well, I am allowed to be uncomfortable with that. I don't fully control it. It's how I feel.

So, in short, Essie can tell me anything, including sexual stuff from your guys. Linda and you can tell Essie anything, including sexual stuff, from your guys. Essie can tell anything to Linda, including about our sex life, which Linda can repeat to you. But I want to talk to you about it, and I don't want Essie to talk to you about it.

I am keeping all of that outside our Overton window.

Maybe I am just not as evolved than you guys when it comes to this?

I am excited that the four of you are thinking of coming over, all of your nude this time, to hang with us.

I am thrilled that you guys hate supper nude with your kids. That's a major turnaround.

I do know it was more of a practice run for you, and yeah, it was a good idea.

I heard that you that watched a movie with the kids the same way?

Awesome.

Oh, and I got the message that you don't fear Jill, that you are prepared for her. I am happy to hear that.