Episode #11: Overcoming Trauma #11 - Sleepover

Jan,16 2026

<-#10: Overcoming Trauma #10: The Barbecue

We made it to cabin 28, and I just about had a panic attack.

It took three adults to calm me down, as I was unraveling.

To them, it was me finally letting go of my tension after my first day of social nudity.

To them, the proper way to help me was to come closer and reassure me that all was fine.

I got hugs from my husband, from Nadia, and from Patrick.

I was told I was loved by all three.

I told them it helped me, not because it did, but because it was the only way to make it stop.

Because once the door had closed, my own memories began flooding my mind.

That's the thing with trauma. You think you've faced it all, and then, a tiny detail brings you spiraling down the rabbit hole of painful emotions.

What they didn't understand, couldn't understand, was that naturism had nothing to do with my breakdown.

In fact, naturism hadn't been on my mind for hours!

We sat around the campfire nude, telling stories, grilling marshmallows and s'mores, and everyone's nudity didn't even register in my mind, let alone mine.

Seriously, that was old news!

I crossed that threshold. I didn't even mind my kids seeing me nude, or my colleagues. That was settled.

I wouldn't even mind coming back; that's how settled it is.

Would I ask for it? Probably now, but I would follow along.

I accepted the barbecue without thinking. I followed to the campfire. I told stories, I listened to them, and everything felt fine, felt safe.

Surely the cabin will be the same?

Well, no.

Not at all. Because it's not the same environment at all.

See, I wasn't sexually abused like my husband. Thank God for that!

But sexual abuse isn't the only way to break someone.

When I was a child, my parents took me on a road trip. I don't remember why. I don't know why.

I suspect it might have been a wedding, or a funeral, or something like that.

We had to spend the night in a motel room with my sister.

Right, I have a sister. Well, I had a sister. It's a long story for another time.

We had to share a bed while our parents took the main one.

My sister was asleep, but I couldn't. My sleeping problems of today aren't new.

I don't want to remember the details; I fail to see how it could help me, but that night, I was the witness of domestic abuse by my father on my mother.

This night is when my relationship with my father ended.

I don't think he ever understood. I don't think he even cared enough about me to try.

But seeing that anger physically expressed on my mother, a person I didn't particularly like but whom I still loved anyway, scared me. Scarred me. Emotionally.

And this cabin, with the two beds, brought me back there.

Not even John knew of that story, and I wasn't about to confess it. It just hurt too much.

Deep down, I know the pain is probably caused by the loss of my father. We just faded away from each other, me out of fear, him out of indifference.

But now, that night, I was scared for my own wedding for completely irrational reasons.

I know my parents's divorce isn't caused by me witnessing that abuse. I know that the seed of that separation wasn't planted during that road trip.

But my break with my father occurred that night.

Nadia sits on her bed, with Patrick next to her.

They are worried; I can see it.

And yet, it's not them I see.

Because the first time I saw some of my mother's nudity, the only time I saw some of my mother's nudity, was during the incident.

I was ashamed of seeing her body so bare, and now Nadia was showing me hers in a way that my mind wasn't interpreting as naturism due to the filter of my pain.

And yet, I know it's all in my head.

I think.

All day, well, not all day, since the lake, I've been baring my body.

Since I met Nadia, I've been sharing my friendship, baring my social barriers.

But now, it was time to bare my soul.

So I began talking. I am not even sure what I said.

All I know is that I spoke long enough for Nadia to be sitting next to me, hugging me, and John to be on the other side, hugging me too.

I know Patrick wasn't far, but I think he kept a responsible distance.

I also know that they listened to me. Truly.

And know that none of them took what I said as something stupid.

Nadia even explained to me why she deeply believes in raising children with naturism.

"For textile kids, who are taught to hide their bodies, accidental nudity can be traumatic, especially in a violence context"

It made sense.

We talked a lot, and I think it helped me.

But more importantly, John admitted that it helped him. Because he had the same kind of twisted associations due to his abuse, and while today helped, tonight, in the cabin, he untied another knot in his problems.

While we were at it, Nadia opened up.

She had regained her bed, but no one was under the sheets yet.

"I have a problem making friends", she says.

"It's not as easy as an adult", I conceded.

"No, I mean, I always had. Sure, naturism didn't help, but even with naturists. If this big dummy hadn't made the first move, I would probably have lived all alone"

"You connected with us"

"Please, Sarah and Cassie broke the ice. The rest was all you, Elena"

"Me? You came to my house"

"I did. Because I was attempting a Hail Mary."

"Well, it worked. It's okay to be clumsy; friendships are hard", I tell her.

John added. "And unlike in childhood, we aren't going anywhere."

"Well, I didn't wire you the money for lunch as promised", says Nadia, feeling guilty.

"You said when you would get your phone. Do you have your phone with you?"

"Shit, it's going to discharge in the car", she said.

"Are you on call tonight?", asked Patrick.

"Well, on escalation only, but you know they might still call if the shit hits the fan", she says.

"I'll go fetch it", says Patrick.

But I have a better idea. "No, why don't Nadia and I go? I'll get my purse with my phone in it, and maybe I can put my dress in my husband's car?" I say.

"I'd like that. A night walk as besties", says Nadia.

And so, we make it to the front desk, where a 3rd person is working. A young lady, but to my surprise, she is fully dressed.

"Hey Sarah, can I get my car keys? And my friend Elena Kinsey would like her purse and her dress"

"You have the same name as my daughter", I tell her.

She just says something like "great" and gives us our stuff.

We make it to the cars, where I ditch my dress but pick up John's cell phone and the charging cable from the car.

"Sarah isn't a naturist?"

"Nope. I think she hates that we are nude, but it's not easy to find someone willing to take the night shift"

"Poor girl"

But Nadia just shrugs it off.

Now with both phones and some cables, which are promptly dropped in my purse too, Nadia drops her keys back to adult Sarah, and we return to the cabin.

"It touched me that you trust me with that story", she said on the walk back "home".

"It touched me that you listened and accepted me"

"Ahh, we really are becoming besties", she says, looking at her phone.

She sighs.

"What?"

"Two servers went down, and they can't seem to figure it out"

"Will you need to do something?"

"I'll call Stephan. He should be able to listen to my instructions"

She calls him. "Hey Steph, so, did you remount the image?"

A pause.

"Yes. I am at the naturist resort. Can you pull your head out of your ass and answer my question?"

A pause.

"Ok, and is it read-only or writable?"

A pause.

"Well, there's your problem"

A pause.

"My pleasure. Also check the cache server. Even if you fix the node, the load balance will prioritize the cache, which is currently serving the Internal Server Error page"

A pause.

"No, I didn't say you wouldn't think about it, but I really need to sleep, and I am back on pager duty's escalation in about 30 minutes"

A pause.

"You did an override to take me off? Wow, in what honor?"

A pause.

"Right, you did owe me one. Well, we are equal now. "

A pause.

She laughs. "I suppose you still owe me one for that time. Fine. But we are closer to equal."

A pause.

"It's back up? Cool. Have a good evening and say hi to Nadine from me"

A pause.

"Well, if you told her I like running around naked, she would hate me. If you told her I was a Christian Naturist, I would have had a chance to be seen in a positive light. Take care."

She hangs up.

"He seems a bother"

"Well, they are both autistic. Not that it impedes his work at all, but conversations can be... challenging sometimes"

"Are they local?"

"Nope. They live in Manitoba"

"In Canada?"

"Yep."

"What is Pager Duty?"

"It's an app that notifies whoever is in charge when an incident occurs. It's incessant, and if it can't find the person in charge, it escalates, and I was scheduled for escalation"

"Well, so you did need you phone"

"No. There are like 5 levels of escalation. And nothing should ever escalate. When it does, someone made a mistake."

"I see"

But I didn't.

The cabin had 2 USB plugs for charging, and I had a dual charger, so all four cell phones were plugged in for the night.

She Venmoed me the money for lunch, but I no longer cared about it, to be honest.

I think everyone found sleep quickly. Everyone but me.

I did find it, but only after Nadia woke up from what might have been a nightmare and went to the restroom at the back of the cabin.

We made eye contact on her way back, but I just smiled at her, and she smiled back.

It's only then that I managed to find some sleep.

<-#10: Overcoming Trauma #10: The Barbecue