Episode #3: Overcoming Trauma #3 : Family Talk

Jan,08 2026

<-#2: Overcoming Trauma #2 - Receiving Cassie

Patrick and Nadia arrived at our home close to 7:30, as planned, to pick up their daughter.

They stayed at the front of the house and made small talk with John and me as their daughter got dressed.

I knew Nadia worked from home, but I asked what kind of job it was.

"I do DevOps, while Patrick is a mason"

I knew what a mason was; I even knew that Patrick was one from the second time we met them. But I had no idea what a DevOps was.

"Well, there are Internet servers out there that you need code to make work. Developers use them but don't know how to code those servers. That's my job. They make apps, websites, and services, and I code their deployments and keep the servers they need up and running smoothly. I am, like, a coder, but for infrastructure"

I looked at her. "How does one land a job like that?"

She laughs. "Now that is a great question. I guess I was good with servers and not that good with coding after my degree? So I took a certification online and tried my hand, and, well, to me, it just clicks. I guess I have a knack for it."

"Like me and designing houses", says John.

"I suppose so", says Nadia.

When Cassie came over, I had forgotten the dress she had been wearing when she arrived. Odd, isn't it?

Sarah hadn't dressed back up yet; the girls hugged, and Sarah left to her room before the external door could be opened. No one commented on anything about this situation as if it were normal.

I find nothing normal about this, but is that what I think or inherited close-mindedness and judgement?

That's my problem with how I was raised. Nothing was normal, so how can I judge what is?

But then, Sarah was back and asked if we wanted to play a board game as she saw us play with Kyle.

"Maybe it's time you get dressed, however. Cassie is gone"

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why? In this family we wear clothes. I let you be nude with your nudist friend, but she is gone"

"Oh I get that, but Mom, seriously, why do we need to wear clothes? We have opaque curtains. It's warm inside, and I feel comfortable. Why should I hide my body when I am with my own family?"

"Because we aren't nudists"

"I know, but why can't we be?"

John comes closer, but Kyle too.

I feel like this is about to degenerate into a fight.

"Ok, so what's your idea? That from now on, you are nude in the house?"

"Is that so bad?" she says.

"What?" I say.

John steps up. "Honey, I think what your mother is saying is that this is a major change of lifestyle, and perhaps it shouldn't be decided unilaterally"

"Ok, but it's my life. My lifestyle. I am not asking that you become nudists too."

"But that's not the point, Sarah; you are still living under our house", I said.

John said something that shocked me. "Don't antagonize her. Maybe using authority isn't the right move."

"Yeah, don't antagonize me", says Sarah

But John speaks up before I do.

"And calm down a notch, Sarah. It's a big request."

"Sorry Mom and Dad", she says, looking at the floor.

"Why don't we all sit at the kitchen table and talk this through, one at a time, calmly", he proposes.

I agree. I am actually speechless. Not because I am shocked, but I couldn't have made a single dent in the "lifestyle" I was raised in. I had absolutely no control over how my life was until I moved out, and then, I had no structure on how to live it until John helped me build one.

No, I guess I am shocked. Because my 11-year-old daughter has taken charge of one aspect of her life, 7 years or so before I was able to, and in my case, it was from 0 to 60 over a weekend, when she is just dipping her toes into responsibilities.

She sat on a towel at her place. The rest of us filled our usual seats.

"You want a change, Sarah. You have the floor"

She swallows. I think this was a brilliant idea. Force her to confront the authority in place.

For years, she was a hyperconformist, always following the rules to the letter. The teacher said to do the homework tonight; she will do it tonight even if we need to go to the doctors for her brother. Not that doing homework in the waiting room is a bad idea, just that she couldn't deviate.

Later, she began to be more open-minded and able to see that some rules are more like guidelines, while others are hard-set.

But she still wasn't able until very recently to actually confront those guidelines. Like telling a teacher that she had a dentist appointment when work was due and needed to ask for a different deadline.

We always needed to call, not because the teacher required it, but because she was unable to actually ask for such a request.

"Well, I like the freedom that naturism gives. It's like it breaks down barriers between people"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, I have nice clothes. I do. I like them. But others have different ones. And I don't like those high-style clothes for me, but others wear them and seem to judge me for not wearing them. Like, as if I couldn't have my own style. And again, I like my style. I wouldn't wear what they wear. It's just, I feel like I can't be who I am. And, well, I don't like bold colors, and I like to be more, like, reserved, but they wear, like, bright yellows and pinks and greens that flash for attention. When nude, we are all equal"

That... is not at all what I expected her to say.

"But you will still wear clothes at school", I say, and I realize that while John called the meeting and John took charge in calming things, it's still me handling this. Granted, I am the one who escalated the situation.

"Oh, I know. It's just, I like the pause from it, you know? I like, just, like, being myself. Not wearing a sort of disguise projecting someone I am not"

"Is that something that Cassie told you?" I ask.

"No, actually. That's from me. She just feels like clothes are artificial. I don't think so. But I do think they project an artificial me. I don't feel like when I go to school, I am forced into things I don't want to wear. I just can never find things that are perfectly me"

That was so eloquent of her that I simply was left speechless.

"So what is your goal?", says my husband.

"For now? To live like Cassie does in her house."

"Nude", I say.

"Each time she wants to. If it's too cold, or she doesn't feel like it, she puts on clothes. Like I will"

"But rarely?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says, defiantly.

"And later? You said, 'For now?" says John.

"Well, I don't want to be nude alone. Let's become a naturist family. All four of us, if you'd like to."

"What?" I said.

"You like Nadia. As a friend. Dad likes Patrick. You often complain you don't have adult friends. Well, they like you too!"

"Out of the question", says John.

"Yeah, that you decide to become a nudist at home is one thing, but we don't have to follow"

"And you, Kyle?" says Sarah.

"Hey, it sounds fun", he says.

"Leave your brother out of this", I said.

"Fine, so can I wear anything I want in the house?" she says.

John approved before I could complain, and I realized what he did. It might be a phase. And the more we fight against it, the harder she will double down.

"Good, so what about that board game?"

So we took out Ticket to Ride Europe and, honestly, had a good time.

I even forgot in the middle of the game that my daughter was bare. Maybe this won't be too bad on us.

John won, of course he did, but everyone helped to clean up.

I sent Kyle into the bathtub. He is always first as he goes to bed first.

To my surprise, he didn't get dressed after the bathtub and went for a glass of water still nude. I almost said something, but we had decided early on that except when levels of maturity are involved, we wouldn't have different rules for our kids. Kyle has the same bedtime as Sarah had when she was 9.

Sure, they are not the same, but variations are clearly explained and often negotiated.

To her credit, Sarah said nothing about her brother's lack of clothes, possibly knowing it would salt the wounds.

John read Kyle his story, while I went into Sarah's room for bedtime talk. She rejected a story a few months ago, saying she mostly wanted to speak with me. About school, people, etc...

She was under the covers, so it was easier for me, and we mostly talked about Cassie as a person. About the video game, about the roast beef sandwiches that she loved. Not a single word was said about naturism, and I took that as a sign of appeasement on her part.

No, the problem began in bed, with my husband.

I expected one of two possible reactions. Either he would admit that he was keeping the united parently front and entirely disagree with me, or he would congratulate me on reading his mind.

What I didn't expect was a major crisis, coupled with tears and snot. He was even shaking.

"Are you okay, love?" I say as I sit next to him. I don't often call him love. It sounds like I am British whenever I do, but it felt appropriate.

He just places his face on my shoulder, with tears running down my shirt. I told him, as I have the feeling that even if I asked him a question, he wouldn't be able to answer.

My husband is my rock. I am utterly emotionally unstable. How could I have built any sort of stability with how my parents failed to raise me?

Ever since our 2nd date, John showed how not only he didn't mind my mood swings, he proved he would be there to help me through them.

I got better thanks to him. I even got to the point of being a more than decent mother.

Notably, I think, whether it's factual or not, that having emotionally unstable parents created either emotionally unstable kids or, at least, emotionally insecure children.

And both of my kids are surprisingly emotionally healthy. Fine, John helps with that, and our united parental front is a big part of it too.

But right now? I see my husband a lot more distressed than I ever saw him before.

I am the one who is suffering usually, so this is my occasion to shine and return the favor of being a good partner.

It takes time. For him, but also for me and for our kids. I don't know why time helps; perhaps because the silence just helps calm the waves?

Eventually, he lets go of me and sits next to me, but he looks at his dresser, in front of him, not at me.

"I was 14"

Nothing is good when you start by pointing to a specific moment in your teenage years. I brace for impact.

See, my husband knows all about my trauma. I talked about it at length on many occasions. I know about his little traumas, like the time he failed an exam because he spent the night in the hospital with his parents, but they still insisted on sending him to school. Or that guy who briefly bullied him when he was 12 before he was suspended and later expelled from the school for worse bullying of other kids.

I always got the impression that my husband grew up in a low-trauma environment. But perhaps I was wrong?

"I was invited to a party"

"Ok," I tell him. I know nothing of this; I can't offer anything other than acknowledging I am here and hearing him. This was years before I met him, when we were 17, after he moved to this town.

"There were cute girls, many I knew"

"A good reason to go", I tell him. I know I was his first girlfriend. The first girl he took on a date, the first he kissed, etc...

"There was some skinny dipping"

"Oh?" I said. I never heard about that. We even spoke with other friends who had skinny-dipped, and John didn't volunteer any information about it. "Did you?"

"I did. Almost everyone did. Even Jill"

"Ah". I know of Jill. She was his first crush. Nothing ever came out of it. She is older than him, so he didn't have many chances. I even saw pictures of her from then. Good-looking girl, but like, we later saw her on Facebook, and she didn't get older nicely. Still, why didn't he mention this experience before?

"But she went with Clark inside. They were dating"

"Ok"

"Soon enough, all the girls were inside, leaving me with just Greg, Henry, and Luke"

"Friends of yours?"

"Not at all"

"Oh. What happened?"

"They began to bully me"

"Shit, I am so sorry"

"Then, Greg and Luke sexually assaulted me"

"What?", I say, jumping, and I see that he is destroyed.

Oh shit, that took a turn. Now, I have to be there for him more than he has ever been for me.

<-#2: Overcoming Trauma #2 - Receiving Cassie