Episode #8: Overcoming Trauma #8: The restaurant

Jan,13 2026

<-#7: Overcoming Trauma #7: The Resort

We picked a long table for the 7 of us to sit together. The three kids were in front of us, and I was in the middle next to Nadia, with our husbands on the outer edge.

We weren't the only patrons. What we had that was unique was that we had the only person in the room wearing clothes, me.

Did it faze me? A little more than by the pool, if I have to be honest. The reason for that is more complicated than at first glance, and again, due to trauma from my childhood.

It wasn't enough to visit family for special holidays. We had to wear matching clothes. For Christmas, it meant ugly Christmas sweaters. For Thanksgiving, some sort of weird turkey-decorated sweater or another. And for Good Friday, we would dress all in black, while for Easter, we would be all in white.

Often, whatever clothes were used for an event weren't to be reused at any other moment. If I liked the black skirt from Good Friday, I couldn't use it for school. It would need to remain unused until the next special occasion.

I was lucky because I could reuse that skirt for funerals and protests against abortion.

In short, sharing a special meal while not wearing similar clothes to the people sitting with me causes me more discomfort than the idea of removing my dress to match.

And that is a scary thought.

I didn't do it. I can survive discomfort a lot more than peer pressure that affects me.

It wasn't a sit-down restaurant, even if there were menus on the table. We each picked our food and told the father of the respective family. To my surprise, I ended up giving my credit card to John, who paid for the whole meal for the table with it without bothering to ask me.

Granted, it's more our money than my money, but still...

I bide my time and pray to God that this chicken Caesar salad really is to die for.

I know that Nadia is going on about a lake, but I barely pay attention. I notice that Cassie is also excited about it and that she is telling my daughter, trying to hype her up. To my surprise, not only did it not work, but Kyle was now fixated on swimming in the lake.

Great, stuck here longer.

My husband came back, gave me back my card, and also a receipt for well over $100. Wonderful.

I paid to get in, I paid for everyone's food, and I am the only one who isn't nude.

How is that fair?

Well, I am the one asking for the permission to stay dressed, and everyone pays to get in one way or another.

To my surprise, Nadia touches my shoulder.

"Can I see the receipt?"

I say nothing; I just give it to her.

"Ok, I'll Venmo you $85 when I get back to my phone. Thanks for the loan", she says, giving me back the receipt. I look at it, stunned, and there is no way her family got $85 worth of food.

Is she being generous, or did she miscount?

I am about to say something when Nadia fills in her husband about going to the lake, and I lose my train of thought.

"Oh, great idea. But the kids wet their towels." he says.

"They'll do castles in the sand while they sun dry. It's warm enough for that"

"Make sure to bring sunscreen"

She turned to me. "Would you mind carrying our bottle in your purse? There is more than enough even for your husband and your kids"

I reply. "I have mine. I don't mind sharing"

"Are you sure? Sunscreen is like a major purchase cost for outdoor naturists", she says, laughing.

Cassie mentioned something about sunscreen to Sarah, who laughed, but over the noise in the room, I missed it.

Kyle tells us that he loves feeling the wind and the sun over his body. To my surprise, John agreed that it is pleasant.

Nadia agrees too.

But then, Cassie says something that bothers me.

"Candace invited me for a sleepover, Sarah, but I don't want to go without you"

"I like Candace. She was fun in the pool", says Sarah.

I turned to Nadia.

"Candace?"

"She lives in the house on the left of the one we were thinking of buying. One of the homeschooled kids. Nice girl. But it's up to you, Elena."

"I don't know her parents"

"They were in the pool... but they will be at the barbecue tonight if you decide to stay. No obligations"

"Is there a barbecue tonight?" I say, and I turn to my husband.

"Hey, you set the pace. It's the first I hear of it too", he says.

Fun. Now it's all on my shoulders.

"But if you do go for it, we could rent a cabin for the 4 of us while our kids sleep over at Candace's. Her little brother is the guy Kyle was playing with"

"I like him", says Kyle.

"I don't know"

"No rush"

"John?" yells the cook.

He and Kyle stand up. "I think it's our food"

They leave and do a few trips, but soon enough, I have my salad, John has his burger, and Kyle has his two hot dogs and fries, which are both bigger than he expected. Cassie and Sarah got chicken strips with a side salad, but I didn't notice who suggested it. Maybe one proposed the chicken and the other the salad?

Hey, I matched with Nadia, so I won't be a hypocrite and judge my daughter.

John got a sort of pot roast.

Nadia did the blessings, and in them, thanked me for lending the money to pay for the food and for my company. My husband wasn't mentioned. He is the sole reason I ended up coming here.

Guess what? The salad was to die for. Seriously, I might agree to come back solely based on the salad.

What surprises me the most is that most Caesar salads are seasoned with garlic, which masks the lack of freshness from the ingredients. This one might as well not have any garlic in it.

As for the chicken, it's just perfect. Moist and cut into small bites that you can easily stretch it for the whole meal.

I did tell Nadia, who was thrilled to hear it.

My son struggled to finish his hot dogs. They weren't quite Costco-sized, but they were close. They were also grilled, not boiled, probably giving a better taste.

John ended up finishing Kyle's last hotdog. Golfing always drives his appetite, which is a shame as he doesn't burn that many calories.

The girls ate everything on their plates, and Patrick left nothing of his roast.

Only Nadia and I left some bits at the button, but seriously? I think we were both stuffed.

After dropping our dirty plates and utensils in the proper place, we left, but Kyle seriously needed a shower. Fortunately, there are outdoor showers almost everywhere.

We went on a walk, everyone but me carrying their towel on their shoulders. I didn't need one. I could sit anywhere I wanted to without requiring additional pieces of fabric. That's something one takes for granted that naturists have to account for.

It felt like we went too far. The rest of the resort wasn't visible anymore, and it was just the seven of us.

We were on a trail in a wooded area, and I admit, it was beautiful. I fail to see how being nude helped. Perhaps Nadia, who was barefoot, could feel it more? But almost everyone else had sandals (the others had shoes), and each had a towel.

I saw it last, because I was trying to find the bird that was singing at us. It felt really close, and yet, I couldn't see it, even when we passed right next to it.

Seeing my kids express wonder did grab my attention, and I saw it. A lake. Small, but clearly not just a pond.

It's a few times bigger than the city's public pool, but not that much more.

Part of the side was sandy, creating a rough beach, while the rest was rocky.

One by one, towels were dropped on the rocks on the side by my purse, and most of the nude members of the two families were getting in the water.

Nadia stayed back.

"I am sorry, this is still in the resort. I know it's just us, but nudity is mandatory in the water. I can stay with you on the beach, or we can sit on the rocks, feet in the water?" she proposes.

That makes me think, so I look at the rocks. Eventually, I spot a flat one.

"You go in. I'll sit there. If you would like to join me later, do so!"

She nods and joins our families.

I find my rock and look at everyone. The kids are having fun. The husbands, too, and even Nadia, seem to enjoy the water.

When I put my feet in, I understand why.

The water isn't warm like the pool, but it's not cold like the public pool.

It's just... the perfect temperature!

"Are there fish in here?" asked Kyle.

Nadia replies. "No, it's a hole in a former quarry or something."

"Oh, sad", he says, but I wonder what he would have done to them. Played with them?

It's not like we took him fishing. He did love it when, on vacation, we visited an aquarium, and at the pet store when we visit it, he loves to look at the fish.

No, we don't have pets, but when the weather is bad and your kids are restless, the mall is a good distraction, and the pet store is an even better one.

I looked at them. It seemed so peaceful, so quiet. Almost perfect.

The three kids were surprisingly getting along, even Kyle, who often has problems fitting in.

John was swimming lengths, while Nadia and Patrick were talking to each other while watching the kids.

They were standing up in the water rather far from the beach and still didn't have water above their thighs.

I have my phone in my purse nearby, and I resist the urge to take a picture to immortalize this moment.

I bite my lower lip. Why am I again watching from the outside?

What is it that these 6 people understand that I don't? Why is even my husband happy right now, and I am being miserable?

Don't mistake me. I am happy my family is happy, but why can't I be?

Why can't I just let go?

Why can't I just join in?

Why am I so broken?

<-#7: Overcoming Trauma #7: The Resort