On refusing the mantle, and on leaving enough behind

29:1

In the years that followed,

people came to me with plans.

29:2

They spoke of gatherings.

29:3

Of charters.

29:4

Of a movement they wished to name.

29:5

They said,

"You were closest to him."

29:6

"You should lead us."

29:7

I answered them,

"I am no mentor."

29:8

"And you need none."

29:9

They protested,

"But people will lose their way."

29:10

I said,

"If they lose their way without a leader,

then a leader would only delay it."

29:11

I told them,

"Christopher did not place truth in my hands."

29:12

"He trusted it to your hearts."

29:13

Some left disappointed.

29:14

Some left relieved.

29:15

A few asked to pray at Christopher's grave.

29:16

We did so at first,

quietly.

29:17

But the visits grew.

29:18

Flowers appeared.

29:19

Then words.

29:20

And we remembered what he had asked.

29:21

So a decision was made.

29:22

The place was left unmarked.

29:23

The path was allowed to fade.

29:24

Not from shame.

29:25

But from respect.

29:26

Christopher had wanted no worship.

29:27

Only living.

29:28

In those same years,

my heart began to fail.

29:29

The doctors spoke gently.

29:30

I wondered if I loved the town too much.

29:31

If living within its fence

had tightened something in me.

29:32

Yet I did not wish to leave.

29:33

For I had lived well.

29:34

I had lived honestly.

29:35

I had lived surrounded.

29:36

Seven children had grown from our table.

29:37

Nineteen grandchildren learned to run

on the same ground.

29:38

And these words remained.

29:39

Not as commands.

29:40

But as memory.

29:41

I had also been given a wife.

29:42

A faithful companion.

29:43

Who walked beside me without needing direction.

29:44

Who understood when to speak.

29:45

And when to remain.

29:46

If this book survives me,

29:47

let it be known that it was not written to lead.

29:48

Only to witness.

29:49

For truth does not need a banner.

29:50

And wisdom does not require a name.

29:51

I will leave this world content.

29:52

Not because I understood everything.

29:53

But because I was loved.

29:54

And because I tried.

29:55

That was enough for Christopher.

29:56

And it is enough for me.